New Thoughts (3/24/01)
The closing thoughts from J,F & B, along with those from Matthew Henry, point up a compelling truth. Man has been ever sinking in his effort to find some alternative to God. We have dropped through the worship of man-like idols, to the worship of other men, to the worship of animals and plants, to the lowest state, wherein today man worships himself as supreme. With each step, we have more greatly dishonored the God who honored us so much in creating us in His image. And as we have fallen further and further from truth, we have cheered ourselves with the idea that we are progressing. It's a truly scary thing to see the intellectually 'enlightened' amongst us showing an ever greater propensity to deny God His rightful glory, and to take it for themselves. Atheism and humanism are both, at their root, attempts to make first mankind, and then the self, the objects of worship. Like Satan before us, man attempts to place himself upon God's throne, chasing hard after the lie that was spoken in the Garden. And in the course of this study, along with what we've been studying and dealing with at church this week, God has brought back to me a clearer view of my own participation in this descent, that He might deal with it, and remove it once for all. I was led to recall some of the things I had 'studied' in my younger days.
Brought up with mandatory Sunday School, the son of a military man, watching my father turn to the ministry, seeing my mother taken just as Dad finished seminary, I was devastated. I wanted nothing to do with a God who so rewarded His people. So, I turned to other possibilities. As was said here, I was dissatisfied with God's government and His ways, and so sought something else. The world around me made it clear that there must be some deity out there, but I was not willing to accept this One whom I had been taught of. I looked at Hinduism, and Buddhism, albeit through rather odd channels. I looked at Transcendental Meditation (to which I was introduced by another Pastor in the church), I looked at stranger forms of the lie - an early New Age thing called Eck, and a 'spiritual revelation' published as "Seth Speaks". It was this latter thing that I was brought to remember this week, as we were discussing another, more recent book at home group, "Touched by the Light", if I remember aright. Same lie, different title. This was the ultimate statement of man as god. We choose our life, before entering it, all earthly religions are equally true, and lead to the same place. Seth went a mite further, declaring that we create our world around us - denying even the creation to the Creator! One of the few things that I remember clearly out of that wasteland of a book was this exercise you were supposed to go through that involved imagining a great light entering into you, and flowing out through your extremities. Touched by the light, indeed. God brought all this to my attention as I was heading out for work, yesterday, and I spent my commute repenting of this buried memory, and seeking His forgiveness. As He cleanses me, He's reminded me of some other foolish ideas that such reading allowed to become a part of my thought patterns, that these two might be purged by His cleansing. Thank You, sweet Lord! So, unsatisfied with all these other avenues I'd pursued, I turned to the atheism my brother professed. Much easier. No tests, no exercises, nothing but life, and then nothing at all. Easy. No consequences beyond today. How have we gotten where we are today, as a civilization? Easy. No consequences beyond today. The elimination of eternity has made it that much easier to contemplate and perpetrate what ought to be unconscionable to a sane man. And, as was described in this passage, I was unwilling to acknowledge the God who had revealed Himself in His creation. I remember when Jan and I were first dating, I would be offended when she insisted on attributing the beauty of the sunset to God, I wanted it left a simple fact of nature, with no higher cause to concern myself with.
Oh, what God has done! He saw my need for facts, my overdependence on my logical powers, and He met me there. He came to me in the way of a geometric proof, such I had enjoyed so much in my school days. He asked that I accept two assumptions: The Identity Theorem - "I am", and the Providence Theorem - "No coincidence." I don't know how He told me this, I just know He did. He had me in church, because Jan refused to marry an atheist, and I figured two hours a week was a small price to pay for wedded bliss. He had me accepting an invitation to a men's retreat before I had time to think about what I was agreeing to, and off I went with 'the boys.' He worked throughout that weekend to show by all that happened that indeed, there were no coincidences. Things that could not be orchestrated were so orchestrated as to defy denial. I came at best an agnostic, I left a believer - finally - in the One true God of creation.
God is so good! In spite of me, He brought me to Himself. He has left me no room to doubt His existence, no room to doubt His goodness, no room to doubt His call. Admittedly, I go through periods of questioning that call, but the God who would arrange so many things just to wake me up, and show me the answers to all I had been hunting after yet running from, is not a God who is likely to let me go. He has brought me from the point of being offended by the idea that in spite of being such a 'nice guy,' polite, chivalrous, and whatnot, I was somehow not good enough - I remember Jan informing me of this, and it was almost enough to end our relationship. I remember calling a beloved friend of mine in Texas, whose comment was "don't you realize yet that you've always believed in God?" It's taken me a long, long time to realize the full truth of that. It took much less time to come into agreement with the idea that the most virtuous of lives remains ungodliness and sin, if it refuses to consciously acknowledge God for who He is.
Father, I cannot thank You enough for what You've been walking me through this last day or so. I pray that You continue - as I know You will - to walk beside me, to cover me so that the ground You have taken will not be lost. I thank You for revealing a gate that needed closing, so You could bring the closure. I praise You for Your willingness to reach out to me where I am. I pray that You would be gracious and merciful to my brother, who has been lost in the darkness of his own understanding the longer. Lord, You know what it will take to turn him around. You have placed him with a wife that knows You, with a brother that (finally) knows You. Oh, how I long to know that he is not a vessel of wrath, that You have better things in mind for him than destruction! How many, I wonder, would have expected no better for me, knowing me before I knew You? Father God, come what may, I know I am Yours, Christ's work done and accomplished on my behalf. I know that, as Paul has said, there is no power in heaven or earth that can separate us, that what You have joined, cannot be put asunder, and You have made it abundantly clear that I am joined to Your family. I am Yours, oh Lord, and I can find no greater joy than knowing that. Praise You, Father, for the change in me. Praise You, Jesus, for saving me, for taking on my sins, for suffering separation that I might enjoy being grafted in. Praise You, Holy Spirit, for constantly steering this unruly ship that is my current life, for correcting my course when I wander, for bringing to mind the things that still need correction. Oh, Holy God! That You have cared so deeply for me, that You have provided so wonderfully for me, let me never, ever, dear Lord, be found ungrateful for all You do.